speak it adriel
urine
the other day i was taking a shit in the anthropology department and i heard two separate guys walk in, take a piss, and walk out. c'mon people, it's not that hard to wash yr hands. remind me not to shake folks' hands at the anthro department.
rain
i like rainy days like these, it reminds me of elementary school where we would have to stay inside and play silentball or heads up seven up. damn north country was the shit. timberwolves what?! it's weird to think that there are kids 10 years younger than you sitting in the same desks that you used to fall asleep in. or maybe it's just me.
...i was so happy to see kuya jon...that made my whole night...i love you kuya jon...you are my inspiration...you have helped me in this long and hard journey through life...you have helped me break through the wall of "doing what everyone else does"..."going along with everyone just to please them"..."wearing what everyone else wears"...the wall of "satisfying others and not myself"...you have helped me to be myself without worrying about what everyone else thinks...you've made me understand that my real friends will love and accept me no matter what i do...you dont lie like everyone else...you tell it like it is...you dont say things just to make me feel better and make it seem like life is all peachy and shit...when i saw you...it seemed like some of the weight on my shoulders was lifted...and when we talked...even more was lifted...i noticed that no matter what i do or who i talk to and open myself to...not all the weight on my shoulders will be lifted...there is always a little bit left...i think that goes for everyone else...im not sure...missed you so much...you have no idea...i cried last night when i got home because i knew you werent staying long
thank you. sincerely, thank you.
no more cookies for verse the natural plus. btw, do you have a new blog link?
brain fart
so i was talking to someone today and i realized that i was involved in a lot of unhealthy relationships. to me, unhealthy relationships are those that aren't reciprocal, the ones that don't evolve and mature. i often feel that i don't have an effect on some people and they take me for granted. well, if my presence isn't welcomed/acknowledged in their lives, what is the point of attempting to sustain a worthwhile relationship? i just end up wasting my time. healthy relationships on the other hand, are those where feelings are acknowledged. people affect each other positively. maybe yr saying that this isn't such a big deal. well i guess it's the fact that i hold these relationships with people in such high regard that failure to meet these expectations is devastating. well maybe not devastating, but it sucks. so i've decided to filter these unhealthy negative relationships out. basically, i just won't try anymore. that doesn't mean i'll be cold or malicious towards them, i just won't make the effort. the effort can come to me. if you wanna talk then talk to me instead of me talking to you. i know it sounds really selfish and self-absorbed, but fuck it...
i'm really tired of trying.
but i am thankful for those few people that i know will always be there. and as cliche as that sounds, i don't have to question my relationships with them. these people know that love is an action not a feeling. these people who put their love in action make it worth it.
damnit i'm tired right now. fucking midterms...
and one more thing...
breathe easy.
this is a poem written by mister subscrybe
a.love.poem
this is a love poem
and it's probably the best love poem you'll ever read
because i have gone at lengths to capture the very essence of what love is all about
and how, you might ask?
how does one poem manifest the complex multi-dimensionality of love??
how do you verbalize such a complicated wonder through one mere poem???
because this poem SUCKS!!!
JUST LIKE LOVE.
AND CRUSHES.
i thought i had my feelings in check
i thought i was through girl trippin'
and then you had to come along,
and i had to have a crush on you
and i'm not talking about those "oh, she's cute, let me write her a letter on this pokemon card" crushes
those are cute, harmless crushes that cease to apply to ME
no
my crushes are epic self conflicts set to determine the very direction that love itself will take in this universe
timeless interpretations of interpersonal communication
criticisms of my own existence
and now
i see you everytime i blink
every song on the radio is suddenly about you
and our faces appear on the characters of all those damned romantic comedies that DIDN'T USE TO SEEM SO REALISTIC
see?
do you know why love sucks????
because it has me writing sucky cliche love poems.
and how do i know this is a sucky cliche love poem?
hmm. let's take a look at the elements that make up sucky cliche love poems:
a. i've included a line that says that love sucks, despite the fact that this is a love poem which i hope will end up getting me a girlfriend
b. i've established the fact that i have a crush on someone even though i'm NOT TELLING YOU WHO IT IS
c. i've said the word "love" over 500 times so far
yes, i do believe that this qualifies.
all i need now are to use the words "angel" and "queen"
and to compare your skintone to some kind of food product
and we'll be all set.
oh yeah, usually love poems rhyme too, right?
and include an irrelevant line from a popular slowjam just to get the crowd going, right?
well, check it:
i must be alicia keys with a penis
and you must be mos def with both breasts
because JOO DON'T KNOW MY NAAAAAAAME...
but actually,
you do know it.
in fact, that's all you do
because i shoot you signs but you seem clueless
and i can't concentrate on our conversations because i'm asking god how she made someone who looks so good
so it's more like, "joo don't know my PAIN"
or "joo don't know YOU DRIVE ME INSANE"
see, i wish you at least knew, and took advantage of me because of it
because then this running around would be intentional
a cruel but directed torture
but instead
i have been overlooked
still completely at your mercy
except you're unaware of it
and that's the worst
like a woman who has accidentally left her baby in a carseat on the roof of her minivan
she's going fast, taking sharp turns
it doesn't matter to her because she's unaware that someone else is riding along
meanwhile
baby wobbles unsteadily on car roof
wind slapping skin until cheeks are raw
teetering on the brink of demise
baby can do nothing but silently scream,
"YOU MAD WOMAN, SAVE ME FROM THIS DAMNED MISERY PLEASE!!!"
but i'm going to stop comparing my crush on you to a mother-child relationship
because it's either getting weird...or hot!
and i REFUSE to be a victim of your beauty any longer!
and i constantly tell myself this
but it all evaporates everytime i see your smile that just puts me in a visual bliss
you gorgeous asshole
see, i wish i had the guts to express my affection for you
but you've already taken over my brain
and stolen my heart
so i'm afraid i don't have much left to offer.
see?? that was a good one, huh?
WHY CAN'T I SAY THAT TO HER????
and that's what sucks the most
because some cuter guy is going to use that tonight
and get some for it
and i'm sick of hearing stuff like,
"awwww, adriel, you're cute too, girls like you..."
because based on my experiences,
my cuteness is equivalent to baby seals, Sanrio, and mini bite-sized carrots
but girls don't go for that kind of cute
no
they go for cute as in B2K, bALd aZiAn dUdEz, and all forms of white guys
but i believe that it should take more than just looks or lines to find a way to you
because
girl
my butter-colored queen angel
i don't need lines to express my feelings for you
just the fact that i'm up at 2:30 in the morning writing them
eyes burning in their sockets ain't got nothing
on how my heart burns for you
damn that was corny
see, i do believe that love sucks
but hopefully one day i'll be able to step up
so that together, we can create something better.
The Love Movement
1."Love and Happiness"-Al Green
2."Feel Like Makin Love"-D'Angelo
3."Love, Need, Want You"-Jaguar Wright
4."Looking For Your Love"-Adriana Evans
5."Groovin"-Marvin Gaye
6."Open Your Eyes"-Bobby Caldwell
7."Your Precious Love"-Marvin Gaye and Tammy Terrell
8."Butterfly Kisses"-Goapele
9."Inside My Love"-Minnie Ripperton
10."Ribbon In the Sky"-Stevie Wonder
11."Prelude To a Kiss"-Ella Fitzgerald
12."I'm Missin Your Love"-Kem
13."Joyful Girl"-Soulive feat. Dave Matthews
14."Untitled"-D'Angelo
15."In Love With You"-Erykah Badu and Stephen Marley
16."Beautiful"-Meshell Ndegecello
17."Makes Me Whole"-Amel Larrieux
mmmmmmmmmmmmm....
you know you like this... ;)
i neglect you blog. please forgive me.
damn this is what xanga entries are supposed to be like...this is from mae embers
Monday, February 02, 2004
i miss this. i5. fourthwave (the second edition). square root of pi. dead man--denial. graduation--jealousy. the library girls. internal east coast battle. stomp. the four stereotypes. dahil sayo. ave maria..
"i seek learning. i seek experience. i seek inspiration. i seek a path i can call my own. i seek a history that i have been denied--and i refuse to bow down to half steppin brotha's-- with weak crossovers and even weaker games--who kick it about getting to the n-th level of tetris.. but dont even understand the first step of being brown. i want someone to show me what life outside this box really is. and make my mind as strong as the smell of my mother's kitchen.. so i can fend off your words and definition that surround and suffocate me. i think, therefore i am. i am not what you say i am. i just want to breathe the air that manifests itself into words-- not definitions.. but not yet revolution. just give me space. so i can just breathe." chasing i5: the female id part three.
give me education. give me a stage.
xanga entry inspired by kundiman 04.
4:47 PM - 2 eprops - 1 comment - email it
Jonathan Reyes Human Sexuality
1. When you find that one special person, the feelings of love will grow stronger with each passing day.
2. Love is reciprocal. When you find that one person, they will love you no matter what.
3. Love is forever. Like a diamond your love will shine as long as both people are living.
4. Love spans great distances and has no bounds. As long as you’re truly in love, then it doesn’t matter how far apart you are.
5. The perfect love does not need to be sexual, because you’ve connected with each other mentally rather than physically.
6. When love hits us, we will know it. We would just know.
Excrement.
“Love is like floating high in the air and feeling all the goodness in the world and blah blah blah.” Actually, to be honest, I don’t know a damn thing about love. I can write all the love poems I want, listen to all these sappy love songs, but nothing will come close to the real thing. I know what it’s like to want to be in love. To want to feel this euphoric feeling that everyone speaks of. I want to feel this love instead of hearing my roommate and his girlfriend express theirs at 3:48 in the morning. I don’t have the balls to define love. I’m too scared to do that. How could a person make an outline of they expect love to be? If they do that, then every relationship of theirs would have to conform to their ideals. If they don’t, then it’s not love. Everyone is different, every relationship is different, so every relationship should have a different standard. For a word that is blatantly abused, love doesn’t have a concrete, tangible definition. But maybe it’s that way for a reason. Love doesn’t have set standards, so that’s what relationships should be. Relationships should not be defined by a standard, they should be able to evolve and grow. And that is love, the potential to change and adapt according to the evolution of ones relationship. Once that is reached, everything should fall into place. I think…
christine is right. it is beautiful when it rains when the sun is out.
i bought a new notebook last week. i wrote a few things, here's one i wrote a couple days ago.
constipated conversation feels like masturbation without the pleasure
should've known better than to go at it solo
although let down was expected experiences like this weren't
visibily invisible subjected to silent ridicule feeling miniscule just another tool
pased over for another
nope...
not this time...
no no no...
wait some more...
and wait...
wait to not feel like another time
where no need to wonder
where this limerence experience is expired.