but i think it was just cause my bed was so damn comfortable.
3:44 PM
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i got off the plane in a daze. people flew by in every direction doing everything to keep from missing their connections. i stand in one place to collect myself. i got to find a7. i was running on no sleep and i didn't even have a final to study for the next day. walking past
so i'm in florida right now chillin with the cousins and lola. it's been hella chill, just playing video games and such. my cousin stephanie from london is in town for the hollidays so it's been fresh kicking it with her. she was the one cousin i haven't really gotten close to cause we've always been doing our own thing. i keep telling her to come out to california.
and on that note, i really am glad i live in california. everywhere else in the world seems fucking weird.
i think i'm going through santa cruz withdrawals. lol. i miss the sluggers. =p
on rotation:
joss stone
amy whinehouse
weezer
souls of mischief
jay-z
so i've got more relatives coming in today. it'll be like a mini family reunion. i really really really dig my cousins. they're the best.
i'm out like a roll of film wasted on jumbo's "the jumbo"
10:17 AM
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Thursday, December 18, 2003
i'm leaving on a jet plane
2:33 AM
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Tuesday, December 16, 2003
inspired by failing to inspire
my paintbrush drips with aged paint
waiting to kiss the blank canvas
in hopes that the vibrant colors
will seduce me to produce my soul
at the day's end
my paintbrush is dry
the canvas still blank
my soul reduced to recluse
3:52 AM
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Monday, December 15, 2003
yes it feels good to be home
it's been a weekend of meeting new people and seeing old friends. very very good times. suddenly the world got a bit smaller and turned into a real life friendster. yesterday at davis i ran into people who knew people that i knew. odd, very odd indeed.
sad
me and lori were talking about how a lot of filipino youth don't really care to learn about their culture or their history, which is hella sad. a lot of folks don't appreciate the filipino veteranos who served alongside us troops in world war 2 and still aren't recieving their military benefits. my lolo was a veterano, so i guess it kinda hits home for me. i just think it's hella sad that a lot of folks don't really care to learn or research information on that shit. i guess i'm kinda fortunate to have been involved with organizations like pyc and have had mentors like bobby roy, greg or glenda. then again i understand that some of them do care, but aren't presented with oppourtunites to educate themselves like pyc did to me.
ashy elbows yes they are.
on rotation: "khronos"-maktub
"make yourself"-incubus
"seven's travels"-atmosphere
4:22 AM
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Friday, December 12, 2003
please don't look at me like that
it fools me into thinking you want me more than i want you
So run
Right
Right back to school
Check it
Look back I sift through all the cliques
Roaming' the halls all year, making me sick
While everyone's out tryin to make the cut
What?
And when you think you know me right I switch it up
Behind the walls smokin' cigarettes and sippin' vodka
I profess to catch a cab, ain't no one can stop us
Give me a break about some other mess
What were you?
Act like it's everything you got
Push back the square
Now that you need her but you don't
So there you go
Cause back in school
We are the leaders of it all Stop that, quit! - All that, quit!
Who ruined it? You did! Now grab a notebook and a pen
Start taking notes, I'm being everyone who's on the top
You think we're on the same page - but, oh we're not!
I'll be the man, watch your backpack and the pencils
Just like he now flippin it, why you just keep it simple?
You just can't go wrong rocking' the clothes
Coppin' the stance
'Cause really is everything that you got!
Push back the square
Now that you need her but you don't
So there you go!
Cause back in school
We are the leaders of it all So
Transpose
Or stop your lies
It's what you do
Transpose
Or stop your lies
So run
So why don't you run, so why don't you run
So why don't you run back to school So why don't you run, so why don't you run
All you are - Now I'm on the next page
All you are - It's time to close the book up
All you are - I'm on the next page
All you are - Close the book up now
"back to school"-deftones
11:28 AM
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some cat's okayplayer profile
This is what hip-hop is supposed to be about:
"I'd be lying if I said I didn't want millions. / More than money saved, I want to save children."
-Common "The 6th Sense"
"You think I give a fuck whether or not my records sell? / You damn right, but see that ain't the way I'm keeping score. / If one-million people said it does that make it true? / You judge my music by whether or not my pockets fat . . . well fuck you!"
-J-Live "Epilogue"
"I give a damn if any fan recall my legacy. / I'm tryin to live life in the sight of God's memory."
-Mos Def of Black Star "Theives in the Night"
backpackers
backpackers kinda annoy me. those are the "fuck mainstream, it's all about the underground hip hop" fucks that rock backpacks and headphones all the time. it's not the style that annoys me, although i must admit that sometimes it seems like folks are just into it for the style, it's this elitist, arrogant attitude that they possess. "i know what real hip hop is." fuck you, no you don't.
10:17 AM
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damn...paula is right
i crave attention.
EDIT @ 12:56 :
killertilapia (12:27:53 AM): yo
MrMuddyMonkey (12:28:04 AM): yo
MrMuddyMonkey (12:28:06 AM): what up
killertilapia (12:28:12 AM): you know what i realized?
MrMuddyMonkey (12:28:17 AM): what
killertilapia (12:28:23 AM): i really am an attention whore
MrMuddyMonkey (12:28:38 AM): what made you realize that
killertilapia (12:29:05 AM): well paula called me out today, and was just kidding about it, but it just hit me right now that damn...she's right
killertilapia (12:29:22 AM): like, i need ppl to look at me look at me
killertilapia (12:29:57 AM): i need folks to im me first/call me up/visit me/invite me places/leave comments on my blogger/talk to me...and i get hella upset when no one does that shit
killertilapia (12:30:07 AM): i have this dire need to be acknowledged
MrMuddyMonkey (12:30:37 AM): is it bad though
MrMuddyMonkey (12:30:41 AM): i mean i do the same
MrMuddyMonkey (12:30:55 AM): everybody likes to be acknowledged
killertilapia (12:30:55 AM): well it's like, can't i just do my own thing?
killertilapia (12:31:03 AM): am i as independent as i think i am?
MrMuddyMonkey (12:31:03 AM): oh i see
killertilapia (12:31:21 AM): if i was, why do i need everyone else's approval
killertilapia (12:31:28 AM): cause all that shit, i see as a sign of approval
killertilapia (12:31:30 AM): ya knoe?
MrMuddyMonkey (12:31:37 AM): yeah i know
MrMuddyMonkey (12:31:41 AM): i'm the same way too
MrMuddyMonkey (12:31:43 AM): sometimes
killertilapia (12:33:21 AM): why can't i just be content and stay focused
MrMuddyMonkey (12:33:44 AM): everybody needs attention sometime
killertilapia (12:33:47 AM): why can't i accept the fact that ppl like me without needing some tangible sign
MrMuddyMonkey (12:33:52 AM): i think that's why i'm an attention whore too
killertilapia (12:33:59 AM): yeah sometimes, but it's like i go through that shit all the time
MrMuddyMonkey (12:34:04 AM): you dont need a sign
killertilapia (12:34:24 AM): yeah i do
MrMuddyMonkey (12:34:26 AM): maybe this is the point where you check yourself
killertilapia (12:34:35 AM): the highlight of my week was when stephdavid called me out of nowhere
MrMuddyMonkey (12:34:37 AM): if they dont like you then fuck it
killertilapia (12:34:39 AM): i know ppl like me
killertilapia (12:34:43 AM): but i can't accept it
MrMuddyMonkey (12:34:43 AM): oh for real
killertilapia (12:34:48 AM): it's like i need something there
killertilapia (12:34:52 AM): a constant reminder of some sort
MrMuddyMonkey (12:34:54 AM): damn i'd be happy too
killertilapia (12:35:40 AM): hah
MrMuddyMonkey (12:39:24 AM): you ok dude
killertilapia (12:40:01 AM): sure
12:19 AM
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Monday, December 08, 2003
all i want for christmas...
super puzzle fighter II (THANKS CRYSTAL!)
scarves: all colors welcome, homemade welcomed even more
hats (i have a big dome): i like any kind of headwear. homemade liked even more.
a guitar
books: "journals"-kurt cobain, "the white boy shuffle"-paul beatty, "who shot ya"-ernie paniccolli
cds in the style of: dj shadow, saves the day, little brother, aceyalone, erykah badu, the deftones, al green, d'angelo, jack johnson, team sleep
dvds: an evening with kevin smith, the lizzie mcguire movie, the saved by the bell dvd collection, family guy dvd collection
do i really expect any of this shit? nah, not really. i really like the homemade stuff. scarves, hats, mix cd's, cards made with crayons. those mean a lot more. i remember for my 18th birthday, all the kindergarten from the daycare i worked at made christmas cards for me. i still have em. crayoned stick figures kick ass!
*sigh*
i was talking to someone the other day, and she was saying how she remembered me from this picnic. she remembered me playing a jack johnson song on the guitar and was saying how at the time she was thinking, "what?! why are they singing this? filipinos aren't supposed to be listening to that! they're supposed to listen to rap! they shouldn't know anything about jack johnson!"
no really...
good question my friend, good question
CYbAdb0Y69 (1:51:58 AM): sOo who u hollerin @ nowadayz
*shrugs*
finally it's finals
wednesday 4:00pm - math 22
thursday 8:00am - chem1a
i'm kinda finding it hard to get motivated to study for finals. they seem so far away. after tonight's fsa meeting aleza was taking her time walking to her car saying, "i figure if i walk hella slow, it'll take me longer to get to my car. I DON'T WANT TO GO HOME! cause i know if i go home, i have to study!"
on rotation:
"get me away from here, i'm dying" - belle and sebastian
"please please please" - the smiths
"criminal" - fiona apple
"93 till infinity" - souls of mischief
"angel" - fiona apple (jimi hendrix cover)
"let's stay together" - al green
2:38 AM
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Sunday, December 07, 2003
rain
i really like the rain. i love hearing mother nature create infectious rhythms.
it's a great contrast from the silence of your friend's empty house.
3:31 AM
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Friday, December 05, 2003
well i didn't get to see you today...oh well...
why am i still awake.
i feel the need to learn more.
fsa does not equal pcc.
oil is bad.
turntables are good.
night walks are also good.
justin's mom's cookies are good.
comments are good.
lazy days are good.
lazy days are bad.
posts at 4 in the morning are bad.
-kaluluwa anak.-
4:12 AM
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Wednesday, December 03, 2003
since i'm writing a post about you, might as well rip off yr writing style ;)
i saw her on the bus the other day. it's been two days since my eyes were blessed with her beauty. i stepped on the bus wet from the day's rain. because of the rain, everyone was riding the bus. as i got pushed further into the bus, i saw her. there she was, sitting a couple rows from where i was standing wearing a black pea coat and a green blouse underneath. lost for a second, i shook it off and called out her name. "hey!" she said with a warm smile. that smile warmed me up more than the many layers i was wearing on that cold, cold day. we conversate for a little bit, and offers me a piece of gum. i didn't want a piece of gum, nor did i need one. but how could anyone turn down a piece of gum from her? "you better catch it," she warns. she tosses it into the air and i catch it, one handed with ease. well at least i tried to make it look easy, i wanted to impress the lady. then she turns back to her conversation with her friend. i guess he said something funny, cause she laughed. i smiled watching her laugh. as if she could feel me staring at her, she turned away from him and shot me a sexy, playful, face at me, leaving me dumbfounded. she scrunched up her face, FOR ME! only for me. the bus hit a bump and the people inside moved, leaving me shooting a scrunched up face into someone's armpit. this is her stop now. she gets up and comes toward me to say bye. her lips form a smile as reaches up to give me a big hug, and i hold on for just one extra second. i would've made faces at a thousand armpits just for that one extra second.
;)
hahaha, dude you rock. can't wait to see you on thursday!
3:56 AM
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Monday, December 01, 2003
ouch...that hurts
way to kill the high
9:18 AM
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one day it'll all make sense jonathan
3.22.84
sacto/santacruz/sf
