i wanna just listen to a song and see what comes out. the song i'm listening to is "work"-rjd2...IM me if you want me to send it to you.
there's nothing like typing with yr eyes closed and trying to write poetic prose and listening to music that you wish you knew everything about and hearing the sounds of nothing but the beat and the pounding of yr fingers on the computer keyboard and wondering if yr fingers dance across the keyboard as beautifully as you wish they did or as beautiful as that someone did with you well not really with you but only with you when yr eyes were closed and when you were dreaming well my eyes are closed right now but i'm not dreaming but someday i won't dare to dream but i'll dare to believe and someday....someday...i'll be an old soul singer singing about love because that's what everyone sings about anyway but how many sing about it and actually mean it and when i'm that old soul singer maybe i'll try singing the blues because the reds and the greens are too boring
and then there's silence
and then the keys come in over the tight beat and she contemplates about how she needs you baby....oh how she misses you...and where are you and why do you run from a woman that loves you very much who longs for the scent on yr skin and longs to be touched but yr that old soul singer walking away from love because you need a reason to sing the blues and you can't sing the blues when yr happy but oh she needs you baby and she wonders where you are and asks if this is left of her happy home...she's waiting for you because she needs you and her blues song is much like yrs...
1:43 AM
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belated HTD ya'll.
1:08 AM
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Tuesday, November 25, 2003
i thought this was interesting. taken from my little cousin samantha's blog. she's in jr. high.
some guys at darnell are realy really sweet.. well at least when they want to be..
case 1:
i had alot of books in my hands and i was trying to put some books in my locker.. well my locker was full and my backpak was in the way..
well rutledge came over and picked up a few of my notebooks, held up my backpack and put in the notebooks of my locker..
--------------------------
i thought that was really sweet.. aren't i lucky to have him as my friend, and the locker next to mine? =P
case 2:
after picking up the attendance, i was a little late to class.. so i was going to science..
i drop my books.. and one of my folders, all the paper falls out.. right in front of ms. mcdonalds portable and i could tell she was watching me.. i'm like "aww, man" so i go down on my knees on the sand.. wiping off the sand on my folders, picking my books up..
from behind me, a pair of arms and hands were helping me pick up my books.. one of the arms had this sort of cast strain thingy thing.. it was Malcom! i was like "umm thanks" and ms. mcdonald.. still watching me said, "why isnt that a young gentleman" and he said "no.. it's nothing really.. i'm just trying to help.." and after he helped pick up my books he walked away..
-----------------------------
i thought he was such a gentleman.. but i mean.. i never expected it from him.. though i don't really know him.. i've heard he's like one of the class clowns.. but yeah i thought what he did was really nice..
i'm thankful that there are some people in this world that help and do stuff for other people..
my cousin rocks
she's way more mature and insightful than i was at her age. but yeah reading something like this kinda keeps you in check. little things mean a lot.
1:45 AM
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Sunday, November 23, 2003
robyn is cool...cept i'm cooler ;)
"el scorcho"-weezer (jon remix)...stevenson coffee shop
that seems hella long ago
7:37 PM
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Friday, November 21, 2003
Auto response from stankpalmer: if you're checking what my away message says, please IM me with a quote from a song you like.
i met this girl when i was ten years old
but what i loved most she had so much soul
li cinderella il: nobody on the road, nobody on the beach, i feel it in the air the summer's out of reach, empty lakes, empty streets, the sun goes down alone im driving by your house even tho i know your not home i can see you your brown skin shining in the sun, you got your hair combed back and your sun glasses on baby, i can tell you my love for you will still be strong after the boys of summer are gone...
SniCKeRNKR: And everytime I try to fly
I fall without my wings
I feel so small
I guess I need you baby
And everytime I see you in my dreams
I see your face, its haunting me
I guess I need you baby
At night I pray
That soon your face
Will fade away
i love brit...
SniCKeRNKR: HAAHHAHA
SniCKeRNKR: hella typical huh
SniCKeRNKR signed off at 10:24:04 AM.
SniCKeRNKR signed on at 10:28:13 AM.
SniCKeRNKR: Where did I go right
How did I get you
I don't know how I did
But somehow now I do
Makes no sense to me
No it isn't clear
But somehow you're standing here
Something gets to me
It's that nothing is wrong
SniCKeRNKR: brought to you by HILARY DUFF
julesa1707: "...so speak kind to a stranger, cause you'll never know, it just might be an angel..."
JR 8 2Much: somebody's heine' is crowdin' my icebox
somebody's cold one is givin' me chills
guess i'll just close my eyes
qtpooh61: "i can feel so unsexy for someone so beautiful so unloved for someone so (fine?) so boring for someone so interesting so ignorant for someone of sound mind" alanis morissette
Lil Brown Boy000: Until the day I die
I'll spill my heart for you, for you
Lil Brown Boy000: TAAAAAKE evrything from the inside, and throw it allllll awayyyyyy cuz I swear for the last time, I won't trust my self with you
Lil Brown Boy000: Old friend they told me you were dead, news broadcast the funeral, 500 hundreds channels focus in, your love was, ravished drawn and quartered,the soil was swift to drink her blood, this violence in the name of love!
Lil Brown Boy000: True friends stab you in the front
keep you from getting what you want
when one more fix could kill you
they help you realize that
you're more and less than you first had believed
you've so much to give and there's so much you need
shortcuts through graveyards and a brand new way to breathe
three thousand miles just to learn,
all that's gold does not all shine...
and helping words aren't always kind,
when one more kiss could kill you,
they help you realize that
you're more and less than you first had believed
you've so much to give and there's so much you need
shortcuts through graveyards and a brand new way to breathe
three thousand miles just to learn.
.how to let my guard down
accept the fire that has spread among us.
and if you're feeling all right,you've got to play it again,
you've got to play it again.
pink skinny tie: "last night i dreamt that somebody loved me. no hope. no harm. just another false alarm." -the smiths (for that emo in you jon :-P)
11:13 AM
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Wednesday, November 19, 2003
maybe i am avoiding you and i just don't know it...
interesting night tonight. the meteors were supposed to be showering down, but they were few and far between. had a pretty good night walk with paul and jay from cowell to oakes.
night walks are the best, you could be with anyone and the walk is chill.
or you could be with headphones.
the thing i don't like about walking alone is that it gets you thinking. sometimes i just get tired on reflecting on shit. i'd rather shoot the breeze with someone else.
haven't heard this in awhile
if you have just one, let me be that love
if you have lots of others, please let me be
please let me be one
let me be one if you like undressing,
please let me find out
if you like large intestines,
please let me find
please please please let me find out
let me find out
if you're gone for weeks on end in crazy situations
and don't know why you drive through cars in dirty foreign towns
please let me find out
if you shield your eyes
from glory all the time
and drag your mouth to smile
if sickness is your cover
i'll try not to look down
i'll try not to look down
if you're sick of cradling
and dragging all my injuries
you can just say fuck right off it's better than not knowing
or if you're just as scared as me
if that's what it's about
please let me find out
"crush on everyone"-jonah
4:43 AM
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Friday, November 14, 2003
i think it's a good thing that hella folks are on these blogs/xangas/lj's
i thought about this while i was going through my daily blogger rounds. at least folks have some sort of outlet in their life to voice their thoughts and emotions. sometimes i ask myself who we blog for? others or for ourself? or maybe even both. because when it all comes down to it, we know that our shit is getting read by other people, whether we like it or not. we have no control over who the audience is. but yet, we want that audience. which is why we make these online journals.
so how do we stay true to ourselves while catering to our audience?
Go to the mountain if you must
Go to the burning bush
Heavy would ease your troubled mind
How do the fade just stay behind?
I know you better than you think I do
Don't worry babe.. this is why i fell in love with you The man in the looking glass
Is looking back at you at last
You can't hide from the truth
Because the truth is all there is
You can't hide from the truth
Because the truth is all there is
You can't hide from the truth
Because the truth is all there is
You can't hide
Your happy times are too few and far between
It's a pity dear, we can't erase the things we've seen
So disappear, vanish if you wish
Just go before you're swallowed up by bitterness
And the truth is you can't hide from the truth
And the truth hurts because the truth is all there is
I realized some time ago that I would have to let you go
May not be true to see that you return one day
But in your present state you may as well not be here at all
You wear a thin disguise, it's from yourself you hide Just take a look at us, we are heading for a fall
Baby I don't die without you by my side
As long as you return into these arms of burn
Baby I won't die just take a look inside
Into these eyes that burn, come to these arms that yearn
I won't die, ??
I won't die if you're not by my side
And the truth hurts because the truth is all there is
And the truth hurts because the truth is all there is
You can't hide from the truth, cause the truth is all there is
You can't hide from the truth, cause the truth is all there is
You can't hide from the truth, cause the truth is all there is
You can't hide from the truth, cause the truth is all there is
You can't hide from the truth, cause the truth is all there is
You can't hide from the truth, cause the truth is all there is
You can't hide from the truth, cause the truth is all there is
You can't hide from the truth
Because the truth is all there is
You can't hide from the truth..
"The Truth"- Moloko featuring J-Live
10:36 AM
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mrs. louie, you will be missed.
yr spirit will still live on through the many lives you have touched.
thank you.
3:24 AM
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Thursday, November 13, 2003
chem...midterm...tommorow.
right now my clock says 9:35. i have class in 25 minutes. that class is female physiology. yes.
i don't really know what i want to blog about, i just feel like blogging. so i guess i'ma just do a little free-write for about 5 min. billy knows what i'm talking about.
my hair is still drip drip dripping wet and my shoulders still very tense and the drops of water are meeting up in my ears as i sit with my eyes closed listening to the sound of my computer which really does sound like a vaccum and my glasses hold on to my nose for dear life as i think about life and realize that sometimes i don't think about it much at all and i walked home last night and didn't really listen to life, but sort've blocked life off as listened to the sound of my thoughts instead and when i reallly really really thought about it i realized that i didn't really have much to think about either well i do think about things but do these things have any kind of relavence or am i just wasting my time trying to think hella relevant and i just ate a banana a fruit that looks like a banana slug and yesterday rachel saw a banana slug but she didn't kiss it and i could still taste that banana in my mouth even though i just ate it 5 minutes ago and when i brush my teeth and go forth and back with the brush i hope that it gets rid of that banana taste because i don't think i wanna taste it later i just realized that that sounds really weird i'm talking about a banana and brushing the taste away but i don't have a problem with being weird i have a problem with people who have a problem with being weird people who just let themselves go and just hella stupid not that you should be stupid all the time but once in a while not be afraid to laugh at themselves it annoys me when people are just too fucking cool to be hella dumb those kindsa people just kill that feeling and make you feel hella judged and shit that's hella not cool and speaking of not cool, my wet towel is ontop of my sweater and now i know my sweater is going to be wet. not cool.
9:44 AM
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Monday, November 10, 2003
what is one song you ABSOLUTELY HATE?
bAnAnAlumpiAgurl: i hate the birthday song...it's one of the most difficult most skilled songs to sing, yet so simple...however, everytime whenever it's sang in a group, it sounds horrible...
KvRuLeZ: chingy - right thur
KvRuLeZ: cause he cant talk rite
DuZEnT CaRE bEaR: headstrong
DuZEnT CaRE bEaR: i hate the inbetween singing and screaming
DuZEnT CaRE bEaR: if you're going to scream then scream
DuZEnT CaRE bEaR: ifyou're going to sing then sing
DuZEnT CaRE bEaR: don't try to go inbetween
DuZEnT CaRE bEaR: and the tune is ugly in general
oOSugarHiGHPinay: the one song i ABSOLUTELY hate and cannot stand is Girls Just Wanna Have Fun by cyndi lauper because it has been played over and over and over during my 4 years at st. francis. everytime i hear the song play, i feel myself cringe and twitch as i listen to the high pitch, annoying voice of ms. cyndi lauper. RAWRRR TO THE ALL GIRL SCHOOL THAT IS ST. FRANCIS!
Lightskin N n 38: Ludacris's P-Poppin
Lightskin N n 38: it sounds like amateur rappers tryna make it
MySharona EP: i can't stand that song "save tonight" by eagle eyed cherry..... i've hated it for YEARS!
sp e sh uL me e: booooobies
Lil Brown Boy000: I hate Your Body is a Wonderland
Lil Brown Boy000: Because Jon Mayor sings it
sweetpikapinay: by request of regina: a song that i absolutely hate... hrm... that's a toughy, but one would prolly have to be girls just wanna have fun. it's so overly done and so effing annoying and just hearing it for the past 4 years in that god aweful all girls school that is st. francis, just... bah! OMG! i even ended up having to do my dance final to that cause the people in my group couldn't handle anything fast or hip-hop ish. bah i say!
caramel wunder: lets see,the song that i hate (at the moment) is that one "sugar sugar song" i don't know the name of it but its new and they play it all the damn time, i don't like how the guy raps and how the other sings in it, they're singing it like they think they're god's gift to women
caramel wunder: i'm god's gift to women
5:12 PM
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paula is hella mean...
jon: i think the scooby doo gang was a bunch of stoners
paula: maybe
jon: shaggy and scooby always had the munchies
jon: their van was always covered in a cloud of smoke
jon: each character was a different type of stoner
jon: freddy and daphney were the popular kid stoners
jon: velma was the intellectual stoner
paula: can't they just be regular persons
jon: and shaggy was the stereotypical stoner
paula: ok then shaggy was the only stoner
paula: and the rest were normal people
jon: c'mon this cartoon was made in the 60's by hippy psychadellics
jon: and did you notice how freddy and daphne always seemed to be separated from the rest of the group?
paula: and i care because?
paula: hahahahhahaha
jon: "hey velma, you take shaggy and scooby and look for the ghost, me and daphne will look in the closet"-freddy
jon: you know they were playing 7 minutes in heaven
jon: you care because i'm trying to tain yr fond childhood memories of innocent scooby and the gang solving mysteries
paula: no it's not working
paula: u jus brought that up out of no where
paula: brb
paula: i gotta do some important stuff
jon: well excuse me for trying to make conversation
Auto response from paula: i don't wanna hear about the 60s and stoners :-P
jon: you dweeb
jon: hahahaha
current rotation "quality"-talib kweli
"khronos"-maktub
"swiss army romance"-dashboard confessional
"worldwide underground"-erykah badu
and... the cerritos all stars mix show
the new tribe called quest song is HOT! it features miss e badu. it's called "I C U"
1:38 PM
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Saturday, November 08, 2003
hey _________, i'm at yr place right now. i told you what i wanted to say. and you won't remember in the morning. i think i'm over it now. uhm...yeah.
EDIT: (7:52am) "___________ " i kinda learned before that it's not cool to use other people's names sometimes. but it's cool. i woke up on yr couch and saw you on yr floor. i wonder what that's all about.
2:07 AM
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Wednesday, November 05, 2003
i think i procrastinated on this post long enough...
saturday-thedayafterhalloween-
i woke up on justin's floor and woke up carmi to drop me off at the bus station. slightly annoyed, she asked if she could go back to sleep and if i could wake her up in half an hour. so i went into the living room and waited there, marinating in that state between sleep and awake. 30 minutes later i woke carmi up again. the plan last night was to be in sacto at 12:00 midnight. but i missed the 7:30pm bus to san jose by 5 min. so carmi, such a kind soul, woke up at 7:20 in the morning to drive me to the metro center downtown. the streets were dead but filled with trash from the previous nights festivities. she dropped me off, i said thanks, and waited for the bus to come. once it came, i shelled out my 6 dollars and stepped in.
waking up 45 min. later, i got off the bus and entered the san jose amtrak station. i bought a round trip ticket for sacto and still had some time to kill before the train departed. i walked into the bathroom and the stench of day old urine filled my nostrils. after finishing my buisness, i washed my face, still tired from the night before. i left the bathroom and bought a magazine for the ride home. i still had a little bit of time to lose, so i waited outside by the train until i could bored. it was cold that morning.
i got on the train and chose a seat somewhere upstairs.
4 hours later, i was in sacto.
judzon picked me up from the train station. he had a scarf on. we caught up for a bit on the ride to the church. we were already running late, but it was nice to catch up with my cousin. it was funny to hear him talk about how many people say that we take after one another. he's truly had a big influence on my life.
we get to the church and walk in. we sign the guestbook and stand in the lobby. beside the guestbook are two pictures of uncle herman.
i think the best way to see who uncle herman was, is to look at his children and how well they turned out. he gave so much to his family, that the best way to describe him is through them.
uncle leo tells us that there's space against the wall inside, so we go inside. the church is filled with people, teary-eyed and solemn. the casket rested at the front of the church. i look for the family, but i couldn't find them.
homer got up to say a few words about his father.
he's part of the ill-literacy collective over at uc davis. he said how his father had never heard him speak before, and that today he wanted to "read" a poem in honor of him. homer didn't have anything prepared, so everything came from him.
people won't feel you unless you touch them with yr heart.
this is where many people, myself included, broke down.
i think adriel said it best when he said that homer's piece reminded him why he writes in the first place. that's what it's all about. to touch people. to let people see you. to share yrself with someone else.
i don't know how homer made it through that poem, but he did.
"you watch out for yr friend okay?"-auntie
six feet is a long way for a rose to fall.
the rest of the day was a blur. more time with the cousin. more time with folks i haven't seen in ages.
i went over to my best friend's house later that evening. he was asleep in his room, and his door was looked so i went over to say hi to nadia and golda who were sleep too. i ended up waking them up and we just layed down on the bed and talked. they seemed to be doing okay. well, as okay as they could have been. homer woke up and chilled with us. lisa was over too, but she had to drive back to vallejo.
me and homer went back to his room and talked and talked and talked about everything...school, girls, his family, his dad...
i left at around 3am and drove back home. i was falling asleep behind the wheel. it was scary.
breathe from the heart and not from the lung
speak from the heart and not from the tounge
love like yr life depends on it...
because it does
7:01 PM
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one day it'll all make sense jonathan
3.22.84
sacto/santacruz/sf
