Friday, October 31, 2003

They say it's lonely at the top, in whatever you do
You always gotta watch motherfuckers around you
Nobody's invincible, no plan is foolproof
We all must meet our moment of truth

The same sheisty cats that you hang with, and do your thang with
could set you up and wet you up, nigga peep the language
It's universal, you play with fire it may hurt you
or burn you, lessons are blessings you should learn through
Let's face facts, although MC's lace tracks
it doesn't mean behind the scenes there ain't no dirt to trace back
That goes for all of us, there ain't nobody to trust
It's like sabotage, it's got me ready to bust
But I can't jeapordize, what I have done up to this point
So I'ma get more guys, to help me run the whole joint
Cultivate, multiply, motivate, or else we'll die
You know I be the masterof the who what where and why
See when you're shinin, some chumps'll wanna dull ya
Always selfish jealous punks, will wanna pull ya
down, just like some shellfish in a bucket
cause they love it, to see your ass squirm like a worm
But just as you'll receive what is comin to you
Everybody else is gonna get theirs too
I ain't no saint, therefore I cannot dispute
That everyone must meet their moment of truth

Actions have reactions, don't be quick to judge
You may not know the hardships people don't speak of
It's best to step back, and observe with couth
For we all must meet our moment of truth

Sometimes you gotta dig deep, when problems come near
Don't fear things get severe for everybody everywhere
Why do bad things happen, to good people?
Seems that life is just a constant war between good and evil
The situation that I'm facin, is mad amazin
to think such problems can arise from minor confrontations
Now I'm contemplatin in my bedroom pacin
Dark clouds over my head, my heart's racin
Suicide? Nah, I'm not a foolish guy
Don't even feel like drinking, or even gettin high
Cause all that's gonna do really, is accelerate
the anxieties that I wish I could alleviate
But wait, I've been through a whole lot of other shit, before
So I oughta be able, to withstand some more
But I'm sweatin though, my eyes are turnin red and yo
I'm ready to lose my mind but instead I use my mind
I put down the knife, and take the bullets out my nine
My only crime, was that I'm too damn kind
And now some skanless motherfuckers wanna take what's mine
But they can't take the respect, that I've earned in my lifetime
And you know they'll never stop the furious force of my rhymes
So like they say, every dog has it's day
And like they say, God works in a mysterious way
So I pray, remembering the days of my youth
As I prepare to meet my moment of truth


"moment of truth"-gangstarr

4:11 PM
------ Thursday, October 30, 2003

i wanna go home.

11:17 PM
------ Wednesday, October 29, 2003

r.i.p. uncle herman,

stay up brother, (god)sister, sister.

love you guys and miss you.

you know i got you.

3:11 AM
------ Tuesday, October 28, 2003

random thought

i was thinking about girls...(what else)...and what i would want in one.

sincerity is a big issue for me. i've met so many fake people that it's hard to tell who's really genuine. i want a girl who is actually interested in what's going on in my brain and listening to what i have to say, not just waiting for their turn to talk. i can't remember what movie that's from...but yeah.

and girls who are naive are such a big turnoff. if her eyes aren't open wide enough to realize what she has in front of her, then she isn't worth it.


1:31 AM
------ Sunday, October 26, 2003

lol...damn here's an entry from about a year ago...

Monday, October 07, 2002
tonight i went to my first filipino function here at santa cruz. i think i've found what i'm looking for. the filipino community reminded me a lot of what was back home. i didn't really feel like doing my essay so i practically dragged nhuanh to go with me to the FSA FALL RECEPTION at porter college. fsa stands for filipino student association, but it might as well stood for "fine succulant ass". there were a lot of cute girls there. and as nhuanh told me, a lot of cute guys. (i didn't really notice them, of course, i wasn't looking) but anyway i sorta felt out of place when we got there because a lot of the people knew each other and everyone was mingling while me and nhuanh just sat there and talked about this one girl's heelys. so anyway, the show started and they had skits and dances and stuff. it was a jolly old time. but it really made me miss my friends back home. i was watching their performance and kept on thinking about pyc and faylc and my filipino FAMILY back home. all those folks were my family and we used to put on events like that. i think tonight was the first time that it hit me that i wasn't really a part of that anymore. after tonight though, i could really see myself getting involved in the filipino community here. super.
1:26 AM

2:31 AM
------ Thursday, October 23, 2003

*bites knuckle*

have you ever not wanted to get close to someone, just because you didn't want to ruin the image you created for them?

as her plaid skirt and sweater burned into my mind, it was her soul that burned into mine...

5:20 AM
------ Wednesday, October 22, 2003

wow...

i've never jammed with anyone quite like this. 1 piano, 2 looping chords, 1 amazing voice. thank you frances. that was infinite.


2:43 AM
------ Thursday, October 16, 2003

long walk home

long distance relationships. i feel sorry for anyone who has to put up with one. not only do you not get to be with the person you love, but yr always wondering "who's replacing me right now?". and don't give me that, "oh i trust them" bullshit. you know in the back of yr mind there's that whole uneasy feeling of "what (or maybe who) are they doing right now?"

in high school, we're all under the impression that, "damn...our love is so strong, it's gonna last forever!" that was until we got to college. granted, there are a few special cases where the love does indeed last forever, but most don't last. i took a survey and there were twice as many people that felt that relationships won't last the high school-college transition than folks that thought it would.

when you go away for college, yr immersed in a completely different, unfamiliar, environment. you meet hella new folks, all different kinds of people, and develop new connections very quickly. it's very very very easy to forget the people you love back home.

there's a certain amount of growth that comes with yr first year of college. but that's a whole different blog.

so now i'm in a second year. i've watched many of my peers' relationships fail. there were a few rare cases that made it past the transition though. but now i'm watching these freshpeople going through the same thing. some are becoming a "these things don't work out" statistic. but others are holding on. i think what makes it different for me this year is that i'm noticing how people interact. before, i was a freshperson and i was going through the whirlwind that is frosh year. but now, i'm pretty much settled and and am observing how different folks talk to each other. and it's very very clear how one could be swayed from their lover. there's so much to do and so many people to meet. all these "mature" upperclassfolk. all these "concious" thinkers. the whole feeling of "i need to get away from home."

we're all sucked into the feeling of being adult that we forget that we are kids.

i'd really hate to be the person staying home in this relationship. because a lot of folks, don't care about people they don't know. and while it may be a bit shady to mack on someone taken, but there's no guilt because the benefits are too much.

"all women are fair game until they're married, some even after that"-undeclared

so that person staying at home is stuck in the same environment they've grown up in, while their lover is out experiencing new things. wow, that must be a bitch...

on a totally unrelated note...

maybe it's just me, but it's a little bit of a turn off when all my friends like the same girl. i dunno why. if all my homies are jocking, i usually don't wanna go after her. i guess part of me wants to be an alchemist, and turn someone everyone looks past into something special. also, it kinda turns the girl into some sort of prize. highest bidder wins. meh, whatever. i'm a passive emo fuck.

on another totally unrelated note...

me and joel were talking about how uncomfortable it is being around drunk people while sober. it's just really weird, but i'm sure i don't have to tell you that.

ben harper

i'm glad i walked home tonight. i got all this shit sorted out. nothing beats a walk home listening to ben harper. i'm trying to learn "roses from my friends". i hella dig that song. it has special meaning to me.

happy birthday casey

3:20 AM
------ Tuesday, October 14, 2003

"where is my mind"-the pixies

i really don't know what state i'm in right now. i guess i just miss some folks right about now. it was cool going back home and kicking it with daniel and homer, two of my close close friends back home. i'm trippin more than i need to right now. and my thoughts aren't really well organized.

oh well.

gotta keep going.

2:13 AM
------ Saturday, October 11, 2003

a mover la colita

me and joel were having this discussion on why hella girls get fitted for the dance, wear fly clothes, rock their makeup, then go to the club to NOT dance. instead they just chill by the side with their girls mugging and giving everyone that walks by dalycity looks. why even go to the club if yr not going to dance? hella people just go to be seen. then the next day they say "oh the dance was kinda weak..." well that's because you weren't dancing.

girls that can dance, or at least attempt to, are really attractive though. HOT!

usually i'm the guy in the back who jokes around with new dance moves to hides the fact that he can't dance.

"hey check this move out"-me
*does a funny looking ugly dance*
"hahahaha"-everyone laughs at my funny dance, not knowing that i'm doing ugly dances cause i can't dance ferreal.

9:50 AM
------ Thursday, October 09, 2003

two steps forward, one step back

8:57 AM
------ Tuesday, October 07, 2003

to my emo brutha

good to see you started updating again. DAMN that girl looks fly....HOLLA! next time you see her, sack up and get her digits...or at least give her mine. ;) keep yr head up bro. i feel you on the freshwomen cuties. there's a few em of around here. a lot of em are taken. well...at the least the dope ones are. but then again, that's why they're taken, because they are very very cool individuals. not to get up on the elitist tip, but a lot of the freshfolks still aren't on the same level as we are. you know what i'm talking about. they will eventually grow, like we did and still are doing, but they're still figuring themselves out. they're still doing their own thing. but later on in the year...HOLLA!

2:37 PM
------ Monday, October 06, 2003

easy mac and ramen
yum

updates...

thick southern accents

saw jesse jackson the other night. he rolled through to talk about prop 54. he is a really good speaker. he knows how to excite the audience. kinda fucked up afterwards though. i was waiting for the bus outside and these girls that went to the speaking were trying to hitchike. a car rolled by and they immediately put their thumbs down.

"i don't trust that car. the driver was black"

fucked up.

RAWK AT RA'S

rawk at ra's 1 was dope. kinda short but everyone had a good time. can't wait for part 2.

costco run

capri sun
tortilla chips

like glue

spent some time with some freshpeople last night. me jay and jc sat around with them trading life stories and stuff.

capri sun

i felt a little homesick today. i wanted to kick it with folks back home. pyc crew. shellay. folks from the lope.


12:22 AM
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