looks like juco next year.
14-41
Start blind, end up dumb
You're 16, You're 23, you're 32, you're 41....
Gonna leave it all behind and not say sorry
Yea you are always right, so why worry?
You learn to steal and lie to friends -- You trust no one
My birthday's comin' around again...
And there is no other way -- And there is no other..
I'm waiting for the bell to ring, I'm always older
Pressures and folds of fat and lip-stained lipstick calendars all hide under marriage porcelain that I'm falling over
My birthday, my birthday, my worst day
My Birthday's comin around again --
14-41
Start blind, end up dumb
You're 16, You're 23, you're 32, you're 41....
You're all those things and then your none
You're through all that, you've just begun.
-onelinedrawing
lauryn hill has such a powerful, beautiful voice. the ode to her son, "to zion", is excellent.
i saw leslie today at monica jr's place. that was pretty cool. leslie has skills on the guitar. she's leaving santa cruz as well. =( she seems like one of those people that i should've gotten to know better. but what i know of the girl is dope. she seems like one of those people that can just leave a lasting mark on you after meeting them once. i wanna be that kind of person.
pyc open mic on saturday. i wanna attend and do something. i love those kids. i dunno if i can, cause, ya knoe...the whole birthday thing and stuff. hehehe. we'll see. for those of you in sacto, go check it out. it's at sac state's student union from 2-7. i dunno why it's hella early. i just know that there's no energy in the daytime. night shows are fun.
"now the joy...of my world...is in zion!"....wow.
haha...colored contacts = fake eyes
monica jr. is dope on the guitar and has a really pretty voice. she's one of those people i want to get to know better as well. cept it's kinda difficult to. i dunno why. she seems hella coo and down to earth too. *shrugs* oh well...
hung out with ernie a bit today. stomped him in nba street. so far i'm 3-0 against him. muhahahaha. sucka! i still gotta pick up erik a copy cause his game got stolen when i borrowed it. back in the first quarter, we threw a party, and someone made off with all our ps2 games. crazies...
i also went to karen's place to chill and watch some tv with her. we were watching all the coverage of iraq. it's rather unfortunate what's going on over there. i dunno, i don't think i'm even looking at it as iraqi's killing americans or americans killing iraqi's anymore. it's just people killing each other. the us dropped 40 bombs on iraq during the first strike. 40! damn... bush tries to put a postive spin on the whole thing by calling it operation iraqi freedom. i guess... i just don't really see any logical reason yet why we are at war. so what if iraq has weapons of mass destruction? the us probably has 10x that number. perhaps it's more a personal thing for bush. saddam put a hit on GB sr when he was in office. "this is the man that tried to kill my daddy"- gdub. if it is a personal thing, then he should be going in there himself, instead of trying to be a bully about it. i dunno, the whole thing is just really sad. i think this would be a good idea if there was just reason. ideally, bush is solving the problem before it starts. but what if iraq doesn't even have weapons of mass destruction? how moded would george bush be? so what if the inspections were taking too long? it's not worth it.
so i sit here on one of the crappy imac's here at the science library. i worked 3 hours tonight, kinda tired. i don't really have much to say tonight, i'm just really tired and am done with finals and these FUCKING POP-UP ADS HELLA SUCK! *cough* excuse me. so yeah basically i'm chillin until friday. probably amtrak home on friday in time for my bday on saturday "14 to 41, start blind end up dumb". who's gonna strip for me? joke lang.
the reason i'm staying till friday is cause jeanelle is throwing a lil goodbye thing for ruby. ruby is a friend of mine who is leaving ucsc for good. i'm hella gonna miss that girl. we spent a bit of sunday morning together during the people power retreat. she wanted to get some stuff from her place so i tagged along with her. we got some breakfast and i showed her "the coolest spot in santa cruz" on the way back to leslie's place.
the people power retreat was kickass. i think it broke down a lot of walls within our aspect. well it did for me. it changed a lot of first impressions i had about people as well. saturday was discussion circles, then len lez and eden cooked some dinner (masarap!), and then the party began. i didn't go to sleep till 6:30 in the morning. it was funny seeing 20 kids try a pack into a small ass living room. woke up around 9 and we worked on the script for the rest of the day. good times.
i've said it before and i'll say it again, everyone and their mom has a blog.
last night i went to dinner with johanna and her folks. it was cool, i felt a bit out of place, but still cool. it was my first time hanging out with that kid all quarter. poop. next quarter that has to change.
sometimes i wonder if i'm an asshole, or if i come off that way. or if people don't generally see me as a nice, friendly, guy. ionno. i guess i'm kinda weird like that.
my lonelyness is killing me
i must confess i still believe
when i'm not with you i lose my mind
give me a sign!
hit me baby one more time!
man oh man... that britney...so profound. *chuckles*
and a happy birthday to johanna.
don't worry korin, you'll get yr suprise soon enough.
=D
03-10-03..today, i was enlightened and found so much comfort and happiness in it..i found "freedom" and realized that what i thought was freedom b4 was actually sumthing sooo confined and limited..thanks jon (im still in extreme awe..)
happy birthday felicity and korin
random ramblings
i love to hear yr love loving me luciously loving my lustful melody longing for and inspired by you
in spite of yr improvised voluptious vocals about this other love...
but can't i take a moment to pretend that love is me?
can't i take a moment to pretend you love
me love
holding
me love
singing singsong songs about me and my melody
which is just backgroundmusic when yr voice fills that void
and i wish with my heart you toyed
because at least there would be a chance
that we would dance over the music
me and you would create and it elates me
to think about those things we could be
to see you and me and you become us
to shut out everyone else....
BLAH BLAH BLAH
i came off harsh, sorry =/
"so sorry"-brian mcknight
i just wanted to spend some time with you
all in all i think i had a good weekend. i ended up playing that show in davis. ppl felt it. on saturday i went out with leslie, this girl i met on friday, to watch the jonahshow. the show was fucking dope. leslie is a cool person, found out a lot about her.
i hella wanted to watch the show with this other person. but she "had a paper to do". i wonder if she was doing her paper in between taking shots. or maybe she was too drunk to remember. either way, that was fucked up. i dunno what yr fucking problem is. *muah* "hunni". why don't you just fuck off.
just offset someone else's lost losing emotions
dance in puddles to ease yr troubles
simple pleasures get you real far
close yr eyes and count to three
tell me if you see you and me
everybody wants to be somebody
and i'm no different
everybody wants to be somebody
and i just want to be yrs
dry yr eyes and hide yr fears
silent screams are all that you need
yr body's numb yr senses dulling
lead with yr soul so you can be free
everybody wants to be somebody
and i'm no different
everybody wants to be somebody
and i just want to be yrs
everybody wants to be somebody
everybody wants to be somebody
everybody wants to be somebody
you are somebody to me.
reflections of being yr nobody
i decided that the above title was more appropriate title for that love poem i posted a while back. i used it for my fsa monologue. if you wanna peep it, check last month's archives. if you know wassup with me, then you know that there's shit behind that title.
jeanelle rocks. she is one cool kid. so is steph. i really would like to get to know them better though.
lent=no liquids but water
nina was telling me about this girl that asked her if she was "doing that lent thing too?". riiiiiiiiiiight.
i think i made this guy's night tonight. my pda is sorta broken, so i finally called customer service to see wassup. and i ended up talking to the rep for a while. he was telling me how some people call in with "such stupid questions" like, "how do i get an icon on my desktop?" i thought it was kinda interesting, cause homeboy could talk. he was telling me about getting calls from all over europe at around this time of night. i figured he was in his 40's-50's. he kept it real with me though. he didn't try to bs me or anything. did you know laptop/pda screens could crack when on airplane overhead compartments. homeboy said he was talking with a pilot, and aparently the air pressure is different. so he's gonna send me a box to send the thing to this place in san diego. i dunno if it's covered or not. looks like some extra hours at the library next week.
about the library job: i was tempted to ask the service rep how it was having a job that never really ends. where the work just keeps on pilling and pilling up. i guess you can argue that's every job. but i feel compelled to leave the library feeling "finished". if there's a couple extra books that's needed to be shelve, i feel this urge to stay a bit longer just to fix them. i dunno. but i'd rather fart on lil kids (my old job=daycare) than pick up fart-smelling books. it's a really chill job though. mostly i just go around staring at people. we're supposed to regulate and tell people not to eat in the library, but i end up just giving them the look of death (read:mugging). i don't think it works though.
i've been really busy the past week or two. and i actually like it.
to fill the void, behind my face
so i was looking at maddie's webpage and came across something she wrote that i thought was pretty interesting...
February 24, 2:56 am
Okay well this is what i have to say right now. this is about someone u probably know.. and you have these same feelings. It really irritates me how often so many people contradict themselves... or how stuck up people really are. if u say you hate drama and ask why do you always have it... ask yourself, reevaluate yourself... its your fault that you have it. its up to you to make it stop. especially if you like to attract attention to yourself because you have something going for you that hardly anyone has... i just hope one day that you know what rejection feels like... i hate how you judge people based on their appearance without gettin to know them, to me that is pure idiocy, youre usually missing out on a really great person... dont say that you cant make friends or are anything like that cuz u know, youre not making the effort, there are plenty of people that want to be your friend... welcome to reality, the world doesnt revolve around you... grow up thats that and in the end youll feel good. take some risks, dont just close up and retreat into the same world you have lived in since birth... step outta it. and find out who you really are. not what society, or your family or your peers wants you to be. nothin is perfect and trying to be perfect is a waste of time because you know already that youre never gonna get there. so just stop and live in the present. make the most of what you have. and dont think too much of yourself and be selfish and arrogant and stuck up cuz that to me is ignorance and that is not a quality i want in a friend... and im pretty sure i dont wanna lose a friend because of this. im done.
after reading that i dont have much to add, its march 2nd now and this is what i have to say: yes i did say hate... and i kno its such a strong word, but cmon now, you should know by now that its up to you to change it...ive told u what i believe in and you understand me... i dont expect you to be like me, but i really hope that you do get youre own thoughts and dont just make decisions based on what people have suggested to you... ive told u to do what you think is best for yourself and yet, i see it, you dont do shit. youre not puttin in the effort. "theres not much more that i can do/now the rest is up to you/ until you love yourself, youll never change/youll keep running/until you deal with today" (plain white t's). No one likes drama, but it seems you do like it cuz you never seem to get rid of it. You make things bigger than they really are. You're the drama. I wouldnt be writing this if you didnt cause it. Right? You're always talkin about how you hate drama... but you talk about it endlessly. just stop. theres no other way to get rid of it. just stop. life isnt tough. its only tough if you let it be tough. youve been through so much that not too many people your age have experienced and yet you still need to grow up. youve grown up too fast that you forgot to pick up the essentials while you went through your stuff...and youve noticed it. youve told me that youve noticed these things missing. so do something about it. these essentials are things that you need to pick up on your own, no one can do this for you. you cant expect to meet you where you are. get off your lazy ass and experience what this world has to offer. it may be fucked up but theres so much good out there... you just have to get up the courage and find it. thats it. i feel like im saying the same thigns just in different ways... so ill stop now. (its that easy to stop things)
and in yr place, an empty space
wow... it's like everyone and their mama has a blog nowadays. i remember when phil first introduced me to blogging a couple years ago. good times. now everyone's doing it.
INsomMONICA: yah, it's the new cellphone
stankpalmer: seriously
INsomMONICA: and the new tamagotchi
INsomMONICA: although, i got one of the og ones before it got popular
INsomMONICA: woo hoo!
INsomMONICA: hehe
yeah, there's all these different ones now. livejournal, xanga, diaryland....crazy. //va's been up for almost 2 1/2 years now.
my music for today: "voodoo"-d'angelo. this cd is really, really, really good. there were a lot of raphael sadiq sounding tracks on the cd. i bet he produced a lot of it. teddy would know.
"one mo gin"-d'angelo
I know some things have changed since the last I've seen you
some good some for the bad
all and all I can't complain
thats what I've been through baby
but seeing you reminds me of the precious times we had
(chorus)
I wondered all this time bout how u been
and I hoped by chance id see you once again
I'd love to 2 kiss your lips baby once again
long 2 hold u tight girl one mo gin
I know u got someone I got somebody too
but im unhappy and i miss the shit we used to do
I miss your smile, your mouth your laughter baby
I never bumped into your kind before or after
I wondered all this time bout how u been
and I hoped by chance id see you once again
I'd love to 2 kiss your lips baby once again
long 2 hold u tight girl one mo gin
I know u gotta be gettin back 2 your own thing
baby u got yours I got mine
I hope you know that u could call me girl when things change
if u want 2 we could catch up on some lost time
I wondered all this time bout how u been
and I hoped by chance id see you once again
I'd love to 2 kiss your lips baby once again
long 2 hold u tight girl one mo gin
i jammed today at the music center with julie. it was good times. damn that girl can HELLA sing.
i also went to the mchenry library to check out hella books on alfred hitchcock's "psycho". i'm doing a paper on it for writing 1:pop culture. i think by the end of the week i'm going to be all "psycho"-ed out. heh heh.
i also finally got my lines for the pilipino cultural celebration. i play a flashback. er... a deceased husband come to life in a flashback, rather.
Husband: My darling *walks over to mother at center
stage* I'd paint the town *Makes sweeping hand motion*
brightly with the essence of your smile *puts his arm around her shoulder* and I would steal the world to place it in the palm of your hands *takes
her hand and kisses her wrist* . It is in your eyes that my heart glows with
happiness and for that you deserve to be treated as a Queen in a kingdom of
clouds next to the sun. Sweetheart, it\rquote s just you me and forever. *kneels down on the ground and touches her stomach, wraps his arms around her* And our beautiful daughter, Camille.
*Music fade in and lights up
stage right on Choir Singing \b KAILANMAN\b0 . Couple starts to slow dance.
Lights fade out. End scene*
just where i was before you appeared
her name is elle. she is shiny like a bell. and when she pukes, it smells like sausages.
sometimes i forget i have an audience, and i get torn between fulfilling my audience's desires to read (only god knows why) my shit and my commitment to lazyness.
the weekend in a nutshell:
amy's birthday party- i really gotta take care of myself. i don't like the fact that i don't know what happened the next day. and i only like making an ass out of myself when i actually am concious that i'm making an ass out of myself. which happens a lot when i'm sober anyway...
monica's little get together- fun times. we ate mon mon's filipino spaghetti (hot dogs and banana sauce), watched "made", and learned britney's dance moves.
fsa potluck - as marianne would say "unorganized and half-assed". i had fun seeing people though. i was the last one to leave cause i wanted to play the piano when everyone was gone. sometimes i wonder how i'd be if i actually disciplined myself to stick with piano. i know how to play right now, but i can't play worth shit. if i had stuck with it (cause i've been playing since i was 7) then i think i would be sorta good right now. but i'm a lazy kid..
i didn't do laundry this weekend. i did it today. it cost me $1.50.
his momma's ass is as big as a polka dotted puppy that had just burst into flames.
my birthday is on the 22. who's gonna strip for me?
things you should not let me borrow/have/hold: a digital camera, 5 bucks, nba street on ps2
si. el bibliotecha.
me and my friend were talking about porn today in calculus. and she could name off more porn stars than me. my cousin took charmane star to his high school prom. this was before she was charmane and just sharon.
fake people can just fuck off. fake like blow-up dolls that you bought with monopoly money.
FAKE AS FUCK!
the world has turned and left me here
goodbye kids.
as i perform my play to the kid in the third row.