last night was the last people power practice of the quarter. i met a few more new people which is always good, and got a ride home with janelle, eden, and gino. i think i'm slowly, but surely, finding my way into the filipino community. len and leslie were critiquing us today. they told me i have a strong presence, but i just have to work on putting myself out there. they think i'm holding back. and i have. i sorta wanted to see how things were before i went in and did my thing. but i'm hella glad that i've been making friends. maybe even meeting new interests. there's this one girl there that i sorta want to get to know better. last night she was wearing pj's with flying pigs on them. good times.
yesterday i also went downtown with katie and aubrey. katie had to buy a gift for her boyfriend so me and aubrey tagged along. we ended up going to jamba juice. they have this new drink called "nog nog". it's hella good. kinda reminds me of horchata. or a milkshake or something. i also bought a poster for one of my friends.
i wonder if i should've bought that poster. i gave it to her, and she didn't really thank me for it, until i asked her about it. i sorta feel that recently, she's been neglecting me. like i've always been there for her, but she's never there for me. i hate it when kids do that. we're supposed to be friends, so why is it all about her?
i'm waiting for ernie to stop by. we're gonna go eat lunch at college 8. he has extra meals so we have to kill them before we go home tonight.
oh yeah...i'm going home tonight.
11:17 AM
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Tuesday, November 26, 2002
i saw harry potter again with marsha tonight. i had hella fun. she showed me this dope spot downtown where your voice just echos. we intended to go downtown to watch her friend's jazz band play. but when we got there, the show was sold out. so we were walking around downtown looking for something to do. we were about to watch bowling for columbine, but the movie didn't start for a couple of hours. so we went to a different theater and decided we were both gonna watch harry potter again. the movie didn't start till 8:30, so we had an hour to kill. so we bought tickets for the santa clause 2 and watched that until it was time for harry potter. i keep thinking if they will be able to keep those kids throughout the whole series. that would be pretty damn cool.
porter college has the place called the hungry slug where they sell some damn good food. they have mexican food, sandwiches and hamburgers. the asada style beef they put in their mexican food is dope. i never really had beef like that until i got to santa cruz. the fries are good too. they're like mcdonalds' fries.
wanna join the pen15 club?
1:06 AM
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Sunday, November 24, 2002
i feeling really good right now. well not necessarily good, but content.
i hung out with robyn last night. she was so beautiful last night. she had her hair under a beanie, black top, scarf, and these DOPE pumas. we had a really fun time together. =/ she's a really cool girl. someday she's gonna make some guy so happy, cause she's an awesome catch. i just sorta wished that guy would've been me. i sorta don't understand why she isn't feeling me. i mean we get along great, and she even admitted herself that we're totally compatible. we're alike in so many different, and sometimes errie ways. but she just doesn't feel the same way i do. i know there's sometimes when you just aren't into the person, because i've felt like that too. it's all good though. i'd rather be just friends with her than never have met her at all.
keep your smile on
cause you wear it so well
and hold your head high
cause that's where i'm holding mine
it's okay, i still think you're beautiful
it's okay, i just wish you were mine
you had no choice
nor did i
but maybe it's better this way
maybe...
it's okay, i still think you're beautiful
it's okay, i just wish you were mine
you're scared it won't be the same
but it's okay because it never was
and i know that we'll make it somehow
it's okay, i still think you're beautiful
it's okay, i just wish you were mine
keep your smile on
cause you wear it so well
and hold your head high
cause that's where i'm holding mine
it's okay, i still think you're beautiful
it's okay, i just wish you were mine
12:00 AM
------
Thursday, November 21, 2002
wow...
1:52 AM
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Tuesday, November 19, 2002
there are places
i remember
all my life
though some have changed
some forever, not for better
some are gone, and some remain
all these places have their moments
with lovers and friends
i still can recall
some are dead and some are living
in my life, i've loved them all
but of all these
friends and lovers
there is no one
compares with you
and these memories
lose their meaning
when i think of love
as something new
though i know
that i'll never lose affection
for people and things that came before
i know i'll often stop and think about them
in my life, i love you more
when i get older
losing my hair
many years from now
will you still be sending me valentines
birthday greetings, and bottles of wine
when i come at quarter to three
will you lock the door
will you still need me
will you still feed me
when i'm sixty four?
in my life, i've love you more.
2:21 PM
------
"what's his problem?"
i didn't think that the same problems that had troubled me in sacramento would follow me all the way to santa cruz. i thought, that by escaping them and running away to college, i would be able to leave them behind. just when i thought i had found my place here, i run into a wall of neglect and loneliness. i could probably try and become better than this, and let it pass, but i think that if it's happening here in santa cruz, then something must be wrong that needs to be fixed. i have this knack for either pushing my friends away, or subconciously drifting away from them. before, i thought it was my friends' fault.. i thought that something was wrong with them. but because it's happening here, i have to wonder if there's something wrong with me. do i annoy these friends of mine? am i not good enough? do i talk too much? do i smell? this has actually been bothering me for the past week or so, and i have tried to put it past me, but it's presence became evident tonight as i found myself talking to myself while a bunch of us watched the meteor shower. and this isn't just some one time thing, it's been a reoccuring theme over the past couple weeks. and while there are times when someone leaves me a reassuring message on the phone, or comes to visit me, i still can't shake the feeling that a majority of my friends take me for granted. i am more than just a screen name. i am more than just the guy who accompanies you when you are feeling lonely. i am more than just the guy who does stupid shit to put a smile on your face. i am more than what you think i am. what have i done to push myself away from my friends like that? i think what i need, is some sort of sabbatical from the people i associate with on a daily basis. i need a few days to find myself, and figure out what's wrong with me. i might even make a few new friends. the funny thing is, i try my hardest to meet plenty of people and make lots of new friends, probably in hopes of always having people around, and never being lonely. guess it doesn't really work.
i cannot survive, the roses from my friends
3:50 AM
------
Sunday, November 17, 2002
sometimes i wish i didn't have to be so fucking nice. i wish i could just rip into people and tell them exactly how i feel. i want to tell them what's bothering me, all my problems, instead of hiding behind a mask. a mask i put up so people will leave me alone. cause, a lot of times, it seems like people only want to try and care for you when you're down. i don't understand it.
sunflower seeds are good.
i want some chocolate covered raisins.
7:30 PM
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Friday, November 15, 2002
me and ernie were talking about our blogs and how it was sometimes hard to write certain things because of the people that read them. i know how this is only too well. you don't really know who's reading your blog. i don't know who's reading this right now. sometimes, i'm really honest in my blogs. like if i don't care and just want to get it out there. but other times, i think it's best to keep things to yourself, that way no one ends up getting hurt. i wouldn't want to end up hurting myself because of what i said and certain people read, and i wouldn't want to end up hurting other people. i guess that's why i sometimes use song lyrics to replace my thoughts, because often times, it seems as if those songs truly express how i feel.
8:05 PM
------
my blog is becoming really boring. here's my asian studies final paper.
“Yes yes ya’ll, and it sounds so nice. Hip Hop you the love of my life”- The Roots.
Hello. My name is Jonathan Reyes and I am a Hip Hop head. Hip Hop became a part of my life through my cousins, who exposed me to rap music and Hip Hop culture. Since then, I’ve become a lover of the culture, trying my hand at the different aspects of it. I’ve listened to the classic records by the Hip Hop pioneers trying to find out where and how this culture, my culture, originated. But how can I, a second generation Filipino-American, call Hip Hop culture my own? Hip Hop is traditionally considered an African-American art form. I’m not an African-American, neither are many other Asian-Americans I know who claim Hip Hop as their own as well. So why are so many Asian-Americans in love with Hip Hop culture, and what kind of impact do they have on it?
Hip Hop culture was developed in the Bronx in the late seventies, early eighties with the emergence of rap music. This continually evolving culture is based on four main elements: emceeing (rapping), dancing (break dancing), DJ’ing (scratching and mixing), and graffiti art. Hip Hop is an evolved form of African music and dance in America. (http://www.daveyd.com/raptitle.html) Although it has African-American roots, Hip Hop culture is not limited to the African-American community. Many second-generation Asian-Americans have fallen in love with Hip Hop as well. Hip Hop is about self-expression and appreciation, and many Asian Americans have used Hip Hop to express themselves and have make a difference within the Hip Hop community.
Asian-Americans are most prevalent in the DJ’ing aspect of hip hop. The best DJ’s in the world are second generation Asian-Americans. In recent years, the most visible turntable group in the Hip Hop scene was the Invisibl Skratch Piklz. This Filipino-American group, led by DJ Qbert, was famous all over the world for their legendary skills on the turntables. Qbert, also known as Richard Quitevis, has won the Disco Mixing Championships world title three years in a row and has been one of the innovators in modern DJ’ing. He recently produced a film, Wave Twisters, that turned many heads at the Sundance Film Festival. The entire soundtrack of the film was made with turntable sounds and samples off of records. Another well known DJ in the Hip Hop industry is producer, Dan Nakamura, better known as Dan the Automator. He has collaborated with many icons in the Hip Hop industry such as Del the Funky Homesapien and Kool Keith. He has even crossed genres and worked with the British pop band, the Gorillaz. (http://www.vh1.com/artists/az/automator_dan_the/bio.jhtml)
In the emceeing aspect of Hip Hop, there are many Asian-Americans within the underground scene. Perhaps the biggest Asian American group of emcees would be the Philadelphia based Mountain Brothers. This trio, Chris Wang, aka Peril-L, Steve Wei, aka Styles, and Scott Yung aka Chops, have come exploded onto the hip hop scene. They made their name as a Hip Hop crew, not as an Asian American Hip Hop crew. “The thing about hip-hop is that it's all about representing yourself and so we talk about it because it is us. We're not just a politically charged group, though. We mention the fact but that's all. You're not gonna see us on stage with karate uniforms or none of that. We're a hip-hop group that happens to be Asian," says Chops. (http://www.public.asu.edu/~dejesus/210entries/tip/tip.htm) The most mainstream Asian-American emcee would be Apl de Ap of the Black Eyed Peas, one of the biggest groups in Hip Hop. In the song Karma (remixed version), Apl de Ap raps a whole verse in Tagalog, the national language of the Philippines.
In the break dancing and graffiti aspects, Asian Americans are well represented also. One of the most well known graffiti writers in the Bay Area was the late Filipino-American artist, Michael “DREAM” Francisco. Like DJ Qbert did for DJ’ing, DREAM had an innovative style that changed the way graff art was written. (http://www.dreamtdk.com) There are also many Asian-American involved in the break dancing scene. It’s not uncommon to watch a break dancing video or go to a break dance showcase and see many Asian-Americans B-Boying (break dancing).
As seen from the many examples, Asian-Americans are prevalent and do have an impact on Hip Hop culture. But why are many of my friends, myself included, in love with this art form? I surveyed some of my friends about their thoughts on the subject, and found out that most of them were into it for the music. The music is the foundation, and everything else surrounding it is extra. Many Asian-Americans were drawn to Hip Hop through their peers and elders. I fell in love with hip hop when my cousins would play rap music or try to break dance. Teddy Phuong, a friend of mine from high school , had an interesting take on Asian-Americans and Hip Hop. “I think Asian-Americans are still looking for some way to identify themselves in American culture. Hip Hop becomes a rallying point for us and give ourselves a face among other ethnicities.” I find myself agreeing with this statement. The reason why Hip Hop is so much easier to break into, rather than the mainstream media, is that Hip Hop is a medium that is more versatile and accepting of others. There, Asian-Americans have found their opening into American society. "Asian Americans need strong representation in all areas of the media. By that we mean, not have somebody sellin' out their people, and be, like, up in a video munchin' egg rolls and throwin' side kicks, or being like the yellow version of Vanilla Ice. ...as Asian Americans, we're used to being underestimated, not being taken seriously, in the things that we do. Especially if it's not sh*t we're expected to do good at, like kung fu or calculus, or frying up noodles," says Chops. (http://www.public.asu.edu/~dejesus/210entries/tip/tip.htm) When we look at the mainstream media, Asian-Americans are few and far between. However, in Hip Hop, Asian-Americans can look up and identify to the DJ Qberts and Mountain Brothers in the culture. Another reason why Asian-American youth are so enamored in Hip Hop culture, is that the second generation Asian-Americans grew up, while Hip Hop grew up. After 1965, millions of Asians immigrated to the United States. Many came while Hip Hop was in its infancy. Their children became involved with Hip Hop, because it was evolving while they were evolving.
I see myself as a part of Hip Hop culture and Hip Hop is a part of me. I value break dancing and turntables as much as I value bamboo sticks and the tinikling. However, Hip Hop is only a part of who I am. Although Asian-Americans have had a major impact on Hip Hop culture, being Asian-American does not make one Hip Hop the same way being Hip Hop does not make one an Asian-American. I know many Asian-Americans who disgust Hip Hop culture. Being Filipino-American does not make me Hip Hop. I am a part of Hip Hop culture because I am a proud participant and lover of the culture. I am a Filipino-American because of my heritage and because I am a proud participant of Filipino traditions here in America. But to stereotype myself as only a Filipino-American, or as just a Hip Hop head, would be denying myself of all the cultures that make me who I am.
Bibliography
1. History of Hip Hop, Davey D, 11/10/02, http://www.daveyd.com/raptitle.html
2. VH1.com : Artists : A-Z : Dan the Automator : Biography, 11/10/02, http://www.vh1.com/artists/az/automator_dan_the/bio.jhtml
3. Mountain Brothers, 11/10/02, http://www.public.asu.edu/~dejesus/210entries/tip/tip.htm
4. Dream TDK, 11/10/02, http://www.dreamtdk.com
3:13 AM
------
yeah i'm okay.
3:11 AM
------
Thursday, November 14, 2002
"jon are you okay?!?!"
i guess...?
3:19 AM
------
Tuesday, November 12, 2002
i guess it's no use posting song lyrics if you don't explain why you put them up.
i really want to say why i put those ben harper lyrics up, but i can't find the words to explain. even if i could, probably a handful of you would understand anyway.
The stones from my enemies
these wounds will mend
but I cannot survive
the roses from my friends
this line says so much. interpret it how you want to. however you interpret it, it's probably right. download the acoustic version of this song. it should be just ben and hist guitar. sit alone in a dark room. close your eyes and just listen.
but I cannot survive
the roses from my friends
1:54 AM
------
Monday, November 11, 2002
"Roses From My Friends"-Ben Harper
I could have treated you better
but you couldn't have treated me worse
but it's he who laughs last
is he who cries first
Sometimes I feel I know strangers
better than I know my friends
why must a beginning
be the means to an end
The stones from my enemies
these wounds will mend
but I cannot survive
the roses from my friends
When the last word has been spoken
and we've beared witness to the final setting sun
all that shall remain is a token
of what we've said and done
When all we've had has been forsaken
distant church bells no longer ring
that's the sound of a heart taken
and the story of tears from a king
The stones from my enemies
these wounds will mend
but I cannot survive
the roses from my friends
This may be the last time I see you
forgive me for holding you close
this may be the last time that I see you
so of this moment I will make the most
This may be the last time I see you
but if you keep me in your heart
together we shall be eternal
if you believe
we shall never part
The stones from my enemies
these wounds will mend
but I cannot survive
the roses from my friends
1:41 AM
------
Saturday, November 09, 2002
fucked up
we were waiting at the bus stop downtown today to go to the mall. it was me and some friends, and this guy came up to one of my girl friends and starting talking to her. saying how she had pretty hair and shit. we didn't think too much of it, we thought it was kinda funny cause he was drunk off his ass. but he wouldn't stop, and she was hella uncomfortable. it took me a second to realize that this guy was sexually harassing her. he was saying how he and her should go fuck somewhere. and he started asking her all sorts of questions in a mix of english and spanish. i was sorta mad i didnt say anything sooner. words cannot express the rage i felt at this point. i seriously wanted to kick his ass and make him bite the curb for harassing my friend like that, and i was about to if he laid a finger on her. i didn't want to be the one to start anything so i told him hella times to leave her alone. he barely even paid attention to me. i just focused on him, and felt all this anger and rage boiling inside of me. i forgot for a second that there were people around us besides me and him. finally he backed off and let her alone. the bus came and we boarded. my friend said she didn't want to board the bus if he was on it. so i told the bus driver that the guy was harassing my friends, and they called security on him and they wouldn't let him on the bus. so the guy runs all the way down to the next bus stop. but the bus driver still didn't let him on. and he just got left there as the bus drove off without him.
shit like that just pisses me the fuck off....
9:22 PM
------
from comedy central's premium blend ladies...do you have that guy friend that you like? the ones you REALLY like? but...."not in that way".... well let me tell ya'll something....IT'S WRONG! that's like going into a job interview and hearing the employer say, "well your resume is great, you have every qualifcation we're looking for, you're everything we want in an employee, but we're not going to hire you. we're going to go with this asshole who drinks too much instead. but i'll tell you what we can do. we can call you up every week and complain to you about how the guy we hired isn't doing as good as a job that you would probably do."
4:42 AM
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Friday, November 08, 2002
my walls are crumbling down before me
and i'm exposed
with no one to protect me
not like anyone gives a shit anyway...
1:04 AM
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Wednesday, November 06, 2002
there's nothing more exhillarating than being on stage.
10:20 PM
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Tuesday, November 05, 2002
i know i've probably posted these lyrics before, but i feel that this is the best way to explain how i feel right now.
"leper song"-new end original
Am I peeking if I look?
Do my kisses feel invasive?
Am i crying when I smile?
Who am I to say?
can I see this from the inside?
Am I dying just to say?
With all these words hung 'round my neck
my head is feeling heavy
Let me sleep.
Did i sneak something inside?
A bitter pill a tasteless poison?
Do I have something to hide?
Who am I to say?
I'm lonely as a leper
I'm contagious as hell
With my clothing and my make-up,
I bet you couldn't tell
Some nights i don't sleep
and when I do i sleep fitfull.
These dreams are not mine,
and i wake up in a very bad mood.
8:05 PM
------
Saturday, November 02, 2002
stankpalmer: dude you're hella cute...go get a boyfriend allready!
PiKaHb0o: haha dude, no one likes me!! =T
PiKaHb0o: lol
PiKaHb0o: i want one dammit ...grr
stankpalmer: is everyone at berkeley gay or something?
PiKaHb0o: haha nah ... just taken
stankpalmer: OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOH! can i be your internet boyfriend?
stankpalmer: lol
PiKaHb0o: LmaO
stankpalmer: "yeah i had a girlfriend, but she changed her screen name"
PiKaHb0o: LOL
PiKaHb0o: funny ish
stankpalmer: okay internet galpal
PiKaHb0o: uhh
PiKaHb0o: you. are. a. dork
PiKaHb0o: i forgive you
PiKaHb0o: lol
stankpalmer: hahaha
stankpalmer: so will you be my internet gf?
stankpalmer: pweaaaaaaaaaaaase
PiKaHb0o: haha seriously?
stankpalmer: *on hands and knees*
PiKaHb0o: *flashes back to nsync's song*
stankpalmer: just strictly internet
stankpalmer: yeah
PiKaHb0o: this. is. weird
stankpalmer: lol
PiKaHb0o: umm .. *ponders*
PiKaHb0o: wait brb ..
PiKaHb0o: haha j/k!
PiKaHb0o: uhh
stankpalmer: lol
stankpalmer: i understand if you reject me....
PiKaHb0o: haha .. ok so if i say yea, all that means is
stankpalmer: *SIGH*
PiKaHb0o: you just say "internet"
PiKaHb0o: lol
PiKaHb0o: and thats it, right?
PiKaHb0o: haha
stankpalmer: yeah
stankpalmer: lol
PiKaHb0o: and its really not much at all, right?
PiKaHb0o: haha
stankpalmer: not really
stankpalmer: just a title
PiKaHb0o: before i say yea and get myself into some unsaid contract
PiKaHb0o: haha okay
PiKaHb0o: title's are fun!
stankpalmer: SWEEEEEEEEEEEEEEET!
stankpalmer: wait am i your internet boyfriend too? or are you just my internet girlfriend
PiKaHb0o: umm
PiKaHb0o: good question .. lol
PiKaHb0o: okay, i guess you can be my internet boyfriend
PiKaHb0o: strictly titles anyway
PiKaHb0o: haha
12:47 PM
------
Friday, November 01, 2002
sometimes i think that i think too much for my own good.
tonight could've been better.
3:43 AM
------
one day it'll all make sense jonathan
3.22.84
sacto/santacruz/sf
