korin complains that i don't blog enough. which is true. ever since i got here i've sorta stopped blogging. i dunno why. i figure that soon enough i'll get back into the swing of things. i guess i've been sorta busy and overwhelmed by everything going around here that i haven't really had a chance to. either that or i'm as lazy as fuck.
there's lots of things i want to blog about, but i just forget about them when the time comes.
i met this cool girl over at stevenson today. she's a really rad girl. we went over to the fireside lounge and listened to this guy will play the piano. he's gonna let me borrow his amelie sheet music. and then there was this other girl there too, elise. so we all took turns playing the piano. it was really weird for me, since i haven't really sat down an actual piano for a while. i tried the one at the kresge town hall, but that was only for a couple of minutes.
i wrote a song today...
"it's over"
i share what those look down on
and sometimes no one wants to recieve
but i stay strong
i still believe
that i can fly away
like the birds that
shit on me
i can float away
when i close
my eyes and sleep
it's all over
sometimes i feel so strong
that i can lift a 1000x my own
but it goes away
when i can't pick myself up
and i find it difficult to see
that i'm still here
and i can't believe
that i'm with everything i fear
and then it all comes back to you
and then i put my faith in you
and then i turn away from you
and then i...
11:52 PM
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Thursday, September 26, 2002
the other night the reel big fish came to town and me, anothny, erik, and korin went. it was a shitload of fun. we got there just as the kicks were finishing their set. then the starting line performed. then it was reel big fish. i forgot how fun pits were. there's something about being sweaty, stinky, and sticky with a big group of strangers. it's really secure. i mean you're just surrounded by people you don't know, and you can't really fall over even though you're being pushed in every direction. i moshed and fell a few times, but the folks there picked me right up. it was a lot of fun. i stopped after some folks were intentionally trying to hurt people. it just kills it. so i just went back into the pit. eventually i made it all the way to the front of the stage. yessa....
didn't do much yesterday. just went to class and hung out at anna's place. then i went upstairs to my CA's room and chilled with felicity and catherine.
"prejudice, intolerance and discrimination are vain and hollow luxuries in which none but the ignorant, the idle and indolent can indulge. courage, competence, and comradeship come in many colors, and these characteristics have meaning to men who stand together in the face of adversity." -bishop desmond tutu
2:40 PM
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Monday, September 23, 2002
my friend korin was blogging about how santa cruz has a reputation for being a subpar or lower-class college. i don't know if the common misconception is fact or not, but i really like this place. i mean what is reputation anyway? reputation is just something that shallow people use to make themselves feel better. unfortunately, reputation means a lot in the real world. i went to some dinner function with my friend nhuanh yesterday (hey...free food) and the chancellor was there saying how a school develops its reputation based on what their alumni do after they graduate. i guess it was supposed to inspire us to go above and beyond after we leave ucsc. i thought it was pretty interesting. another thing i thought was interesting was how ashamed people are of some things. i got to sit with the vice-chancellor of the university. i turns out that he went to AR (a community college) for 2 years, and then transfered to berkeley. but with everyone he met that night, he never made any mention of his juco background. all he told people was "yeah...i went to berkeley" i know it's not that big of a deal, but i thought it was interesting on how we (all of us) try and make ourselves look good sometimes.
i was having a conversation with a friend and the topic turned to religion. religion has always been a sensitive topic for me to tackle. especially religious arguements. i personally find it hard to attack something that someone else believes in. how do you sit there and tell someone else "yeah..what you believe in is complete bullshit". my friend didn't actually say this to me. actually we had an arguement free, enlighting discussion. but at times it was a bit awkward at certain points and it got me thinking why. personally, my belief is that you should believe in what you think is right. now this could open a whole nother shitload of worms so i'll just stop right here
we had a sleepover at anthony and erik's the other night. it was me, anthony, erik, lily, and nhuanh. it was fun times. video games and celebrity jepordy all night long. i also was taking care of their sick RA, robin. she's like the coolest, cutest RA on campus. she just doesn't take orders well when she's sick. she needs to drink her fluids damnit. it was hella funny cause everyone on the floor would stop by our room and tell us to be quiet cause "robin was sleeping". i guess it was a nice gesture, but it seemed a little phony to me. it seemed like the folks stopping by were getting off on being "considerate". they were all guys too. how sweet. the horny guys were looking out for their really cute RA. it's too bad that they had their stereos blasting way louder than we were talking. robin's cool though. she knows jeet kun do. she could one inch punch my ass.
i've been listening to a lot of ben kweller....
1:07 AM
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Friday, September 20, 2002
today i had lunch at college 8 with anthony and erik, my two buddies from merill college. i thought my parents had bought me a block-20 meal plan. i guess not. so my ID didn't go through when the lady scanned it. she told me to go talk to the lady inside. but i guess i uh..."forgot"...and went to go get food. however, karma is a bitch. my stomach is uneasy. i don't think the food settled that well.
i went to a kairos meeting tonight. it wasn't what i expected but it was cool. i felt enlightened tonight. a lot of people complemented me on my old tarnished cross. i think it would be cool to play mxpx's "one step closer to life".
man this whole food shit....ACK!
i've been meeting a lot of people by hanging out with my friends' neighbors. a lot of them are really cool. and i've gotten to become really good friends with my apartment-mates and neighbors. i felt that last night i especially connected with one of them. she's a really cool person and i am privileged to call her my friend.
girls are interesting here. i've been having mixed feelings about some of them. like as if i'm silly putty and i'm being twisted and pulled in all sorts of different directions. this one girl i was really excited about, doesn't seem that exciting anymore...hrmm...*shrugs*. maybe it's cause she reminds me a bit of someone in my past. not by how she looks, but from her personality so far. it's not a bad thing, i mean she has good qualities, it's just that she reminds me of someone i had a bad experience with.
we had an orientation on the kresge (my college) core course, which is required and i picked up some cool quotes....
"differences on one level, are similarities on another"
"a life unconsidered can be hazardous to your health"
12:01 AM
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Monday, September 16, 2002
santa cruz....
the apartment is really cool. i'm getting along well with my roomates. the cool thing is that we're getting along well with the 6 girls next door. we're always over at each other's apartments hanging out and chillin. i went over to oakes today to pick up my friend mariflor, but she wasn't there. so i ended up talking to her roomate for like an hour and a half. i've met so many people in the past few days, i can't even remember all their names. but it's cool walking down the street and hearing people go "hey jon". i already feel at home here.
10:56 PM
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Sunday, September 15, 2002
well i'm enjoying santa cruz so far. the only gripe i have about it, is the campus is so friggin huge. if you don't take the shuttle, it's literally a hike to your next destination. anyway, i've made a little "virtual tour" type thingy of my apartment. actually it's just a shitload of pictures. here ya go.
my friends rawk. thanks for the party yesterday dru. i moved into santa cruz today. SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO DOPE! i'll blog more about it later.
9:36 PM
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Thursday, September 12, 2002
i went through my daily reads to see what people had to say about september 11th, and a lot of em had some good stuff to say. a lot of people were touched and had lengthy things to say, others were tired of the media "fanfare". i personally, didn't want to get to wrapped up in the media hype and celebration. yes i think that it's important that we remember what happened, but that's something i do on my own time. other people need to remember with others, at memorial services and what-not, which is good for them. i don't really want to go into my thoughts on the whole subject, but that's why i posted that far song. i thought it would be appropriate because i think we are all just "waiting for sunday". i think that during this time in our country, we all need some sort of safety. some sort of net to catch us when we fall. that's why we are all "waiting for sunday". it's a good song worth downloading. this is something i wrote today. this piece is meant for everyone.
"the day after"
when the rain falls
your smile will be an umbrella
and everyone will run
run under your umbrella
tommorow when you awake
and the rain is gone
everyone will still be
under your umbrella
smile.
1:38 AM
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Wednesday, September 11, 2002
"waiting for sunday"-far
I'm always frightened
I wear my helmet every day
I'm scared the sky might tumble down from heaven
I blame my neighbors
I wish that they'd all move away
They're all on welfare, kill babies, pass bad laws, start all the wars
I wait for a miracle
I go to big building, I pray
I dance with demons, they whisper my fate
Scare me into thinking I'm saved
We're all so tired
We wear our raincoats every day
To keep the wet and wind and world out
Waiting for Sunday
10:51 AM
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Monday, September 09, 2002
"i was early when I got there, so i just sat down on one of those leather couches right near the clock in the lobby and watched all the girls. a lot of schools were home for vacation already, and there were about a million girls sitting and standing around waiting for their dates to show up. girls with their legs crossed, girls with their legs not crossed, girls with terrific legs, girls with lousy legs, girls that looked like swell girl, girls that looked like they'd be bitches if you knew them. it was really nice sightseeing, if you know what i mean. in a way, it was sort of depressing, too, because you kept wondering what the hell would happen to all of them. when they got out of school and college, i mean. you figured most of them would probably marry dopey guys. guys that always talk about how many miles they get to a gallon in their goddam cars. guys that get all sore and childish as hell if you beat them at golf, or even just some stupid game like ping-pong. guys that are very mean. guys that never read books. guys that are very boring." -holden caulfield
this is a nod to the town i grew up in, antelope california
"the lope"
i grew up in north highlands
stylin, profilin,
then moved to the lope
choking on ice tickles from the ice cream man
as the sweet blue ice tickled the back of my throat
on those hot summer days
when we'd waste away
hitting up the north country playground
almost everyday.
playing some ball
shooting some hoops
back in the day
when salt and pepa went shoop
getting my haircut by mai at the 5.99
hitting up the bx with my homeboy ryan
going with mom to to the que huong grocery
picking up some tasty asian delicacies
walking in with the bell on the door ringing behind me
smelling that strange aroma that was so strong that it blinded me
eventually going to center junior high, WARRIOR PRIDE!
in the locker room, mr. valdez was checking out every guy's behind
ms. cook made us run the mile
while mr. jordan forced us to smile
and be a good sport, cause if we didn't
we'd be in push up position for a LONG ASS while
folks used to cut class and head to the park and start toking
not me, cause when i'm around smoke i start choking
after school, walking home cutting through base housing
trying hurry and catch up to the latest girl i found arousing
but being rejected, every time...even today, it's still the same
but don't worry, those girls i was macking on......it turns out that they were gay
but eventually, we moved away, much to my dismay
but i'll never forget those memories from my youth, who made me who i am today.
11:29 PM
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Friday, September 06, 2002
i can't explain how i feel right now, although i'm sure many of you have felt the same way. but don't worry, in a few days i'll be back to my normal self again. i just need a little bit of time.
5:59 PM
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it's disheartening when someone tells you that you're a failure.
2:46 PM
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Thursday, September 05, 2002
i was talking to my friend recently about his trip to the philippines. he said he had an awesome time and that the trip changed his life. curiously, i asked how. i went to the philippines the summer before junior year and i remember it not having such a big effect on me. he said that the trip made him realize how lucky and fortunate for the things he has. i guess i was too immature to understand when i was there. but now, as i reflect on my trip almost two years later, i do realize how lucky i am. i guess i am a bit spoiled compared to my cousins back in the philippines. when my dad went over two weeks ago. he brought over our old computer, an old ibm aptiva (pentium 1 i think), and my cousins lit up with joy. and fucking sit here with a brand new laptop. i guess i never really understood about poverty until i started doing service work at jesuit. and i'm not talking about going door to door for can goods, but actually working at loaves and fishes or helping out the war veteranos at pyc functions. sometimes it annoys me when some of my friends have this pompus attitude...like "yeah he's kinda ghetto". i mean when did we become so spoiled? with my parents working as hard as the are, my family has sort've moved up in the world. i still remember growing up in lower-class north highlands. right next door to the rec center. i remember going to the community swimming pool all the time. you know, the ones filled with pee. we used to shop at thrift stores, not to look for some cool shit (like i and many other kids tend to do today), but because it was a necessity. then around elementary school we moved up to a middle class neighborhood in antelope. the neighborhood was kickass. kids were always playing outside. even though it was middle class, the neighborhood still wasn't at all that safe, i mean my mom's car got stolen, and there would always be kids doing drugs behind my house, but it was home to me. i liked it. and now we live in upper-middle class natomas. where parents are too paranoid to let there kids outside of the house and play. no one drives by blasting their speakers anymore. but it's a really nice neighborhood and a calm environment. but i guess going to a school like jesuit, and living in middleclass antelope made me forget who i was and where i came from. and when i went to the philippines two years ago, it didn't really hit me how lucky i am and how far i've come. and believe me those kids in the philippines have it 10x worse than i ever did in north highlands. kids would walk around in hand-me-downs pissing on the street. i really don't know where i'm going with this. what started out as a thoughtful reflection has sorta turned into rambling. but the about the kids in the philippines is that they are happy with what they have. they don't have the newest computers, or videogames, or clothes...but they still maintain joy in their life. and i know a lot of people here in the states who aren't satisfied with what they have. i guess we base everything on material things. and i'm not pointing the finger at anyone. i'd be the first to say that sometimes i am a bit materialistic. and sometimes i'm not apreciative enough for the things and oppurtunites that are presented to me. i remember i was tripping cause i didn't get accepted into davis. but i did however get into other schools like arizona and oregon, eventually chosing santa cruz. i shouldn't look at this as a downer because santa cruz is part of the UC system. one of the most prestigous learning institutions in the world. a lot of people don't get a chance like this. i guess that kids sorta take it for granted and forget that there are other kids dying to be in their postition.
*shrugs*
i dunno....
2:09 PM
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Tuesday, September 03, 2002
sometimes i feel as if i have nothing to give to the world. sometimes i wish i wasn't here.
i'm tired of it all.
8:16 PM
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Monday, September 02, 2002
"#1 defender" - new end original
The greatest gift you ever gave me
Was a faded, red broken ballerina
And you would wind it up
And it would barely move, and there would be no sound
And you'd look up and say
I'm your number one
I'm your number one defender
And I will understand
When you are gone
I don't need a raise, I don't need a paycheck
I will understand
I'm your number one
I've always had this thing with bravery
And I never wanted no one to believe me
Or even see me, or understand
I thought that maybe there would be this girl
And she'd be just like me, but not like me
I never thought that love would save me
I've never been so happy to be wrong
So thanks for the silence
Thanks for the days
Thank you for the ocean
12:03 AM
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Sunday, September 01, 2002
now playing: "the world has turned and left me here" - weezer
yet another person with a better layout than mine. donna has a HILLARIOUS title graphic..
i know i've said this a lot before, but i need to get out of here. everytime i'm home alone sitting on my ass, i see that there's not really much left for me here in sacramento. i mean a lot of my friends have their own thing going on, and i'm stuck at home watching the disney channel or some shit. i know my friends care about me, but i don't think my leaving would have that big of an effect on them. i don't really see a lot of them. and always see them on the internet, so it's like i'm not gone. that's why it weirds me out when people tell me that they're gonna miss me. why? we haven't seen each other for like 3 months and you're gonna miss me? what irks me is that no one, other than a seldom few, really makes an attempt to try and hang out. i always have to call them. and they're going to miss me?!?! i dunno... i know that there's real friends who genuinely are going to miss me. i'm just annoyed at the ones who just "say" they are. i don't mean to come off sounding like an asshole...but yeah.
so i had my eyes checked at our local costco yesterday. my nearsightedness has gotten worse. the eye doctor, dr. taz curtis, is a really nice guy. he talks an awful lot, but he's one of those guys you don't mind talking a lot. we were talking about santa cruz. and he was saying he'd rather go there than a place like...davis. (YEAH EAT THAT SHIT DAVIS! YOU THINK JUST CAUSE YOU REJECT A GUY THAT HE CAN'T START SOME SHIT?!?!?) he did that little air puff in eyes to me. one day i'm going to be able to sit in that chair and get puffed without jumping. one day it'll happen...you watch.
i made myself a chill cd today. here's the playlist.
1. "good morning" - talib kweli
2. "the love song" - bush babees feat. mos def
3. "buddy" - de la soul
4. "floetic" - floetry
5. "one mic" - nas
6. "the hop - a tribe called quest
7. "electric relaxation" - a tribe called quest
8. "get funky" - the beatnuts
9. "find a way" - a tribe called quest
10."oasis" - ugly duckling
11."that shit" - a tribe called quest feat. slum village
12."make you feel that way" - blackalicious
13."cabfare" - souls of mischief
14."bridge to bama" - soulive feat. talib kweli
15."good music" - the roots
16."tainted" - slum village
17."you've got me" - the roots feat. erykah badu
18."brown skin lady" - black star (mos def + talib kweli)
19."93 till infinity" - souls of mischief
MCHSPresidente: it was okay...we were all kinda sleepy, so we just watched tv and chopped it up
stankpalmer: teehee you said chopped it up
MCHSPresidente: yeah
MCHSPresidente: why what's wrong with "chopped it up"
MCHSPresidente: i do like "let's stay together" a lot though
stankpalmer: in sacto, chopping means sucking dick
MCHSPresidente: ARE YOU KIDDING ME?????
stankpalmer: i know in the bay it means kicking it
MCHSPresidente: holy cow
stankpalmer: dead serious
stankpalmer: i shit you not
MCHSPresidente: well we chopped it up east bay style then
stankpalmer: hahaha
MCHSPresidente: dirty sacto kids! sheesh
MCHSPresidente: =)
stankpalmer: ;-)
now playing: "#1 defender" - new end original
11:52 PM
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one day it'll all make sense jonathan
3.22.84
sacto/santacruz/sf
